04-05-2026 Easter Sunday - Jesus' Obituary

Thomas J Parlette
“Jesus’ Obituary”
John 20: 1-18
4/5/26, Easter

The summons came a little after 3:00 on a Friday afternoon – never a good time to hear from your boss. A boy arrived at my door with note – “Come quick! We need to get an article written before sundown.”
My name is Abner. I’ve been working at the Jerusalem Post-Gazette for a couple of months now. I’m working where everybody starts out – the crime beat, which includes the obituary department. With the Romans in charge of the city, there was always something to write about.
I made my way quickly through the crowded streets, packed with out-of-towners in for the Passover holiday, towards the office of the Post-Gazette. I found my boss, Yosef, writing furiously at his desk.
“Abner – good, I’m glad you’re here. Do you remember that story you wrote about that guy from Nazareth, Jesus.?”
“Sure. He’s the one that rode into the city last week on a donkey, billed as some sort of king. Boy, the Romans weren’t too happy about that.”
“Yes, and neither were the Sanhedrin, not to mention all the business people Jesus threw out of the Temple. They lost a lot of money this week. That man made some dangerous enemies pretty quickly.”
“He sure did. So, what’s happening?”
“Well, Jesus was convicted of blasphemy and sedition this morning. He was crucified at noon – he was dead by 3:00.”
“Uff – I’m sorry to hear that – awful way to go. So, this just happened?”
“Yes, A Roman official with Pontius Pilate’s office just came by and asked that we get an obituary written as soon as possible to confirm that he is indeed dead. They want to quash any hope from his followers that he’s still alive. I want to get this done before the Sabbath starts at sundown.”
“Got it, boss. I’ll do my best.”
Some of my friends had gone up north to Galilee to hear Jesus and they had come back and filled me in about what he was doing. He was actually pretty impressive. They told me how he taught people to turn the other cheek, be generous, even with their enemies (like the Romans) and love God above all else and their neighbors as they much as they loved themselves. They told me about how he healed people and fed large crowds of thousands of people.
So, I thought I had enough to put together a pretty good obituary. With a sundown deadline hanging over my head, this is what I came up with:
“Jesus of Nazareth in Galilee died on Friday, the result of being crucified for blasphemy and sedition. He was believed to be 33 years old.
Jesus was born to Joseph and Mary, also of Nazareth. Joseph was a local carpenter and Mary was a homemaker. When Jesus was still a baby, the family emigrated to Egypt for about 3 years before returning to Nazareth. Not much else is known about Jesus’ early life. He was brought up a religious Jew and worked with his father Joseph in the family carpentry shop. It was said that Joseph and Jesus made the best oxen yokes in the area.
When Jesus was 30 years old, he began his career as an itinerant preacher and teacher. He spent 3 years moving about Galilee speaking to ever-growing crowds, healing people of diseases, sometimes even on the Sabbath, and feeding thousands of people. On more than one occasion it was said that Jesus actually brought people back from the dead.
Last weekend Jesus arrived in Jerusalem to much fanfare, but after causing a disturbance in the Temple court and making claims about tearing down the Temple and rebuilding it, he was arrested and charged with blasphemy and sedition. He was brought before Pontius Pilate, and at the urging of members of the Sanhedrin, he was found guilty and sentenced to crucifixion. His punishment was carried out at noon on Friday at Golgotha, the Place of the Skull. Jesus died at 3:00 pm on that same day.
Jesus of Nazareth was preceded in death by his father Joseph. He is survived by his mother, Mary, four brothers, James, Joseph, Simon and Jude, and two unnamed sisters as well as many friends and followers that claimed he was the Messiah.”
Not bad, I thought - and just under the deadline, too. I ran Jesus’ obituary over to the Yosef and he got it distributed around town just before sundown.
On Sunday afternoon, the messenger boy was back at my door with a note from my boss, Yosef.  “Come quick! We have to issue a retraction!”
What, I thought. What did I get wrong, why a retraction?
I rushed over to see Yosef.
“I’m sorry to do to this to you Abner, but we need to issue a retraction. That obituary you wrote for Jesus of Nazareth – it seems it may have been a bit, premature.”
“What are you talking about?”
A little while ago, a woman named Mary from Magadala, a follower of Jesus stopped by the office and told me that Jesus was alive, she had seen him, and so did his closest disciples. So she wanted us to print a retraction about his death announcement.”
“But how can that be, there were witnesses that saw him die.”
“I know, I know – I can’t explain it. But apparently, he’s alive. Get on that retraction would you.”
“Sure thing – I’ll have it ready within the hour.”
I could have had it done in about ten minutes or less to be honest.
“The Post-Gazette regrets that the publication of the obituary for Jesus of Nazareth was in error. We have received reports this afternoon that Jesus is indeed alive. We apologize for any confusion we might have caused.”
And I thought that was that. But on Monday morning, I was in the office reviewing the crime logs, when a woman came into the office. She looked exhausted, but at the same time exhilarated. She looked around the room and our eyes met. She smiled and came over to my desk.
“Are you Abner?
“Yes Ma’am, I am.”
“I just wanted to come by and thank you for publishing that retraction in your paper. I’m Mary from Magdala.”
“It’s nice to meet you Mary from Magdala – and thank you for letting us know our error so quickly – we always like get things right.”
“Thank you – it was so important to us to get the word out that Jesus is alive, he was resurrected from the dead, and you helped a great deal.”
“Glad to be of service.”
She turned to go, when she reached the door, she turned back and asked, “Do you know what your name means?”
Weird question, I thought, but I happened to have an answer.
“Yes, as a matter of fact – my mother told me Abner means “Father of Light.” She always said she named me that because I had a bright future.”
“That’s right. It can also mean “My father is a lamp.” I saw your name as the writer of the obituary and the retraction, and I thought – How appropriate. Our Teacher, Jesus, used to refer to himself as the “Light of the World” quite often. He even told us, his followers, that we were like lamps, “light shining in a dark world.” I think you have lived up to your name in these past couple of days, Abner. You have done your part to help us shine the light of Jesus in our dark world. I know you’re not a follower of Jesus, but I hope you might consider it. Here is where we have been meeting if you want to join us sometime.” And she handed me a small scrap of paper with an address scribbled on it. And then she was out the door and swallowed up in the crowded streets, that were buzzing about Jesus’ victory over death.
I confess, I’ve never been much of a religious sort. But there was something about this guy Jesus. I stuck the scrap of paper in my pocket, and thought – something to consider, yes, something to consider.
May God be praised. Amen.